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I think I have a weird position among my extended family. I’m not bad enough to be a true black sheep, but I have not followed the path as usual, either. I’m 27, living not in too much sin, childless, and have never been in trouble worse than a speeding ticket. I did cuss out a cop once, but he really had it coming. I think the biggest misconceptions about me among my family are that I either am a stickler for tradition, or I completely buck it. I like to think I am actually a nice combination of both- I love tradition so much, I’d like to start a few of my own

In our house, the holidays were a mix of anticipation, sneaking, yelling, and a little bit of Mr. Clean. My brother and I, two years apart in age, discovered one year that the gifts our mom put under the tree weeks in advance could easily be snuck into without her knowledge. We got away with this for a few years, until we either bragged about it to our sister (who tattled), or mom discovered a slightly ripped corner or wrapping paper on one box. We were threatened with an end to all Christmas gifts (that we didn’t really believe), and we came to the conclusion that we really did like the surprise of the big morning, so we decided to knock it off. Besides, we always knew what we were getting each other- our dad would pick us up from school on the last day before holiday break, we’d go to Pizza Hut, then Wal Mart, armed with twenty bucks each. George and I would make a beeline for the music section, while Katie was escorted to the toys with our dad. We’d each pick out the cassette or cd we wanted, discuss, then go pick something for Katie.  And this was the truly fun part for me- my sister is seven years younger than me, so I would pick something we’d both like. She wound up with a nice selection of Polly Pockets this way.

The weeks of our break from school also involved our mom making us clean. She’ll deny it now (she swears we never did housework)  but I have the permanent dishpan hands to prove the contrary.  Once we moved to the house they currently live in, the cleaning became a mega event- my mom, tchotchke queen of the south, has more dust collectors than any one person should. We had to run the collectible dishes in the dishwasher, dust each little knick knack and tiny picture frame. This always seemed to take months, but it likely only took 12 hours. We’d shampoo carpet, move furniture, clean out nooks and crannies we didn’t know even existed, and at some point after dark, our mom would exclaim “well, I guess this is ok…this house @%$#^%$~^” It could never be clean enough. Of course, I think if she were in a white, padded, sterilized room all by herself, that wouldn’t be clean enough, either.  But the end of this day meant something we all enjoyed- putting up the tree.

Long ago (sometime in my third year I think), our parents decided that artificial was the way to go. So we always had a fake tree. And, sometime around my 16th or 17th year, our mom decided a 9 footer was the only one she’d want. Also, I decided to pack as many lights on it as I could, so I have been forever stuck with that task. This year, she’s getting a prelit tree, and I think those are the best invention since inventions were first invented. So we’d stay up, watching whichever holiday specials were on (I think the last one was the old “Frosty the Snowman” cartoon, one of my favorites), and we’d string lights, hook ornaments, and try not to pack the front of the tree with too many.

A couple of weeks would pass, we’d have our mom’s family’s party, usually around the 20th, and on the 23rd, my brother and I would find silly ways to celebrate our actual favorite holiday- Christmas Eve Eve. It mostly involved our hoping that the fireworks display at our Paw Paw’s would be even better than the year before’s, we’d walk around in the woods, and one year, it involved me and a few friends trying to climb a 20ft cement wall in a Bronco. Never again. I think the excitement of that day was that it meant Christmas Eve was still to come, and that the holiday season still held so much fun to be had. We could still watch our well worn VHS of Christmas cartoons that were only shown once during the 90’s, we could drink our fill of instant cocoa, and discuss what we thought we were getting.This day would pass, we’d spend Christmas Eve night at our grandparents’ (until 8 years ago, when our Paw Paw passed away, the holiday just isn’t the same without him around), and around 8 or 9, we’d go back home, and watch A Christmas Story, until our parents shooed us to bed.

Four a.m.  The footsteps began, creeping across the hall. My door opened, and a hissing “Chrisssty! Hey! Get up! It’s here!” Sometimes I’d bound out of bed, and we’d race down the hall. Others, I’d grumble about how early it was and roll over, which led to my covers being violently snatched away. Then I’d have to get up, and follow the bounding, Tigger-like brother to the living room, and watch as he inspected everything under the tree. One year, he thought the answer to his Christmas prayers had been answered- he wanted a four wheeler for as long as I can recall. And every year, he’d be so sure he was getting it, finally, and then, it never came. One year, our parents, holiday pranksters they are, decided to have fun with this. They typed a return label on the back of an index card, from the “Honda Corporation,” and taped it to a box the size of a small fruit crate. He saw this, and starting going “Honda?!? Honda!!!” Our dad, going unnoticed on the couch, ordered us back to bed. Around 6, he bounded back across the hall (as he also did every year), and we would each grab an afghan, and take our seats, me staring at the tree and lights, he salivating over “finally” getting his ATV. Sometime around 7, the rest of the family would wake, and we’d have to fix coffee for our mom, and then situate for the gift passing.

Now, as far as the four wheeler goes, Katie and I were in on the joke. We kept this secret for weeks, waiting for the day when we’d get to see his eyes bug out of his head, and then the confusion we all knew was coming. He was handed the box. He grinned, “These are my keys, right?” “Just open it,” our parents grinned back in unison, in a way that would give the Cheshire cat the creeps. He tore into it, careful not to rip the “Honda” address label. He took the lid off the box, and found inside…a pistol. No keys. Just  a Civil War-era powder pistol in a glass front case. “Where…where are my keys?!?” he wailed. “There are no keys! Hahahahahahaha!” We laughed at his disappointment, and he said “I can’t believe ya’ll would trick me!” He did like his gun though, so I guess it wasn’t a total loss.

I miss these unspoken traditions with my family. The shopping after school and pizza, the trouble to be had on Christmas Eve Eve, and being rudely awoken every December 25th around 4am. Having Christmas Eve ON Christmas Eve, instead of the week before. Maybe it’s the loss of traditions we are so used to growing up that causes sadness during this time. I know as a kid, I would feel so sad late on Christmas day, because it was over for another year,  the tree, the lights, the food, the anticipation. My brother would go back to being that lunk across the hall who hogged the tv and couldn’t manage to get up at 6 for school. Our house would go back to being a bland mess. There were no more fireworks. No more days off of school. No more hiding our mom’s Aaron Neville tape or cd. And maybe too, this is why it’s considered a child’s holiday. I think adults like seeing happy, sugar fueled children behaving for a few weeks, hoping for the perfect gift. Or threatening them with a call to Santa when they misbehave.  I also think my sadness comes from realizing that we’ll never have Christmases exactly like those we used to again. Maybe it’s another reason people have kids, to hold on to that in any way they can. Since I have only cats, I will tell my nephew about how George used to wake me up so early, how we’d sneak down the hall to inspect the goods, and be ordered back to bed for a couple more hours. I only hope he’s as excited on that morning as we always were, and that when his sister is old enough, he’ll bound across the hall at 4am, so they can race to the tree and help the day last that much longer. I think that’s a tradition worth keeping

The internet is a great facilitator to my obsessive whims. I’ll remember a doll from the 80’s that I really wanted but never had (say, Rose Petal Place), and off I go, looking for whatever I can find. Three hours later, I’ll have found pages dedicated to that entire doll series, and all things RPP that were unreleased, plus fan pages for Charmkins, Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony. Then off to ebay to window shop for all these things I never had. It sounds sad but it’s really not. And one day, I will have the money and shelf space for that Charmkins collection I’ve been planning since 1986.

Something I have been looking for since about 2002 is this set of Pyrex (I assume Pyrex) mixing bowls with a little fruit design on one side. My aunt Nini got them one Easter, and I thought they were the cutest bowls ever. Just clear glass bowls with simple, vibrant fruits done in near Marimekko style.
They reminded me of these shirts I wore when I was younger, they were white with allover prints of tiny hearts or stars in primary colors. I think they came from Tarjay. Anywhoo, no one in my family seems to recall these bowls. And I couldn’t tell you if my aunt still has them, because she moves a lot, and they could frankly be anywhere. And, as I was about 10 when she bought them, I wouldn’t have thought to ask the pattern name. I thought you just bought based on the picture on the box, names were not any part of that. Live and learn, I suppose.

So, I’m on a mission to find them. When I moved out for about the third time, I told my mom I wanted to do my kitchen in fruits. She bought me some apple dishes that while cute, were more down on the farm and less modern-cartoony than I liked. I spent a good chunk of the afternoon googling every word and word combo that I thought would give me the results I desire. No luck so far. But I did fall upon a site and Flickr group that I’m sure will give me hours of enjoyment- and lead me down the rabbit hole of collection. Crazy Daisy is a pattern that I grew up with. My mom still has a few pieces if I’m not mistaken. It’s fun to see all the patterns through the years and find some that I could see in my kitchen, sharing counter space with a certain set of fruity mixing bowls. If only I could find the darn things. So check out the site http://www.pyrexlove.com/ and peruse all bowls and casseroles that your grandma might have made tuna surprise in. And be thankful that tuna surprise wasn’t one of your mom’s favorites. Yecch.

So my dreams of being a good little vegetarian haven’t been totally squashed. We’ve actually had a few meatless meals since I gave up (mostly stir fry, but we do a lot of that anyway, so no big whoop.) I have noticed now that even going a few days in a row without meat, if I happen to eat a little bit of it, one of two things occur- either heartburn with a side of reflux, or some wicked stomach upset. We had Popeye’s last night, and I have been paying for it ever since. Let’s just say, my stomach wrote a check my butt couldn’t cash. Or colon, whatever. And tonight was Taco Bell (b/c Brian and I had a little spat, and dinner was served around 11:30p.) I’m still paying for both of those meals.

I am currently looking for new ways to do beans and rice. The dish from my childhood consisted of red beans, sausage, a box of Zatarain’s mix, and white rice. We had it often (and just a lot of rice in general, which is why I haven’t eaten rice in about 10 years. I got tired of it so I quit it ), and I never really cared for it, unless my mom made her from scratch cornbread. She doesn’t cook often, but she sure as hell puts her big toe into some corn bread and biscuits. Canned creamed corn she burns, but baked goods she can do. I had some chickpeas and saffron rice once when my aunt was married to my Uncle Ray (who is Dominican), and I really liked it. Sooo, I’m planning to redo old school red beans and rice by making a chickpea stew, and serving it over yellow rice. So far, my plan includes using a can of tomato basil soup, some balsamic vinegar and a few other spices (and a red bell pepper), and serving it over the rice. If I could make it like a paella, I think it would please me greatly. I’ve never had it, but it looks really good. So I will post my recipe for chickpea stew and saffron rice once I have made it

Also, I’m enjoying a couple of vegetarian/vegan cookbooks right now. One, “Vegan With a Vengeance” by Isa Chandra Moskowit, has a plethora of creative recipes with clever, punk-inspired titles (and I love the tips from the author’s cat.) The Fauxstess and lemon cupcakes will be given a spin in my kitchen fo sho. My favorite vegetarian cookbook ever of all time and forever is now officially “Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone” by Deborah Madison. I never knew that making a simple tomato sauce for pasta, from real live tomatoes, could be so easy. When she says it’s for everyone, she’s ain’t fibbing- the recipes are so simple, yet most of them have made my mouth water (the way she describes celery makes me want to snack on some, even though I detest it and always have.) It’s a big book, too, and it reads like a foodie novel. It’s awesome I think anyone, even die hard carnivores, would be hard pressed to not find something in that book that they would enjoy. And I’m not even into the desserts chapter yet!

So maybe I’m starting to view my original goal as less of a one month challenge to continuity, and more of a lifelong evolutionary process. So perhaps I haven’t really given up as much as I’ve just begun to fight

Ok, so I’m throwing in the towel. After much thought on the matter, I have decided that I’m not doing well with this because the time isn’t right. I have a really weird attitude towards vegetables and fruits now (which is odd, b/c I love fruit so.) Sunday night, I plowed through an entire bag of grapes, after initially not wanting them at all, because I had it in mind that “grapes are gross.” I like grapes, I have never not liked them, so it confuzzles me. Anyway, here is the food log from Friday- Monday:

Friday:

• Cereal w/ organic 2% milk, orange
• Either veggie corndogs or more cereal (hey I’ve slept since then..)
• Homemade focaccia with pesto, sun dried tomatoes, black olives and a bit of mozzarella- little pizzas

Saturday:

• Cereal and 2%
• 2 oranges
• #6 Baja Chicken from Taco DingDong. Yup, back to that…
• ricotta

Sunday:

• 2 orders of cheese sticks from Sonic (I really like cheese, recall)
• Popcorn chicken meal from Sonic. I paid dearly for that later, with some wicked heartburn and acid reflux. I did not miss that.
• Bag of green seedless grapes

Monday:

• Orange
• Hebrew National hotdogs (2) and chili, cheese, yellow mustard, Sunchips, Neapolitan sundae

So I am not doing great, but I did at least try a few new things. And I am happy to report that that will continue- I’m still perusing, marking recipes for vegetarian meals and snacks. I’m just not in the best frame of mood to totally commit currently, but with more planning, I think that in a few months, I may try again. Or I may find some other way to tailor it to my specific needs and personality. I’m not ruling it out There are always options! And I’m glad I tried at least.

Things are getting better, slowly but surely. I’m not really craving meat currently, so that’s a plus. Here’s what’s gone down for the last three days:

Day 11-

• Handful of cherry tomatoes and saltine crackers (we needed groceries)
• More saltine crackers for lunch (I think…)
• Taco Bell- 2 bean burritos and a triple layer nacho (meat free! and only 79 cents!)

Day 12-

• Bolthouse Farms berry smoothie, after some much needed grocery shopping
• Captain D’s- fish!!! I had to pick Brian up at lunch, and instead of being responsible and making lunch at home, we went out, and they were the least crowded (and I hate to say the lesser of all evils, but eh)
• Steamed broccoli teriyaki with water chestnuts, sesame seeds, Simply Asia brand sesame teriyaki noodles, and chow mein noodles. I made a sauce for the veggies, and Brian actually commented that he “really liked” the sauce, and I should definitely make it again He rarely says anything more than “it’s ok/alright” about most of my cooking, so that made me really happy. Plus, he’s not a huge fan of broccoli, so score.

Day 13-

• Lemon yogurt and an orange with a glass of pomegranate lemonade. Love the lemonade.
• Yakisoba brand stir fry noodles. It’s seriously ramen for grown-ups. So easy, so good. Next time I make stir fry, I will serve it atop a bed of these noodles. They are on my buy again list.
• Bean burritos/nachos with pico de gallo, black olives and nacho cheese. I just stirred it all together, baked it for 20 minutes, and served it with tortilla chips and whole wheat tortillas. I like the ww tortillas. They’re kinda sweet, so it adds an interesting flavor to the burritos.
• Sonic sundae with hot fudge, caramel and nuts. I needed ice cream.

I like that I can now see a Popeye’s commercial and not automatically go “mmmmm, chicken…” I feel it’s silly to say it’s getting easier (especially after having fish), but I am feeling so much better about the whole thing. On the menu for tomorrow (hopefully!)- eggplant parmesan subs and mini focaccia pizzas. They will make good little snacks for the next few days, because I still have some olives, and I found my favorite pesto (love) and some sun dried tomatoes. I just hope that I like the eggplant, and that I remember to take pictures. Oh, and I think I have lost 3 pounds. Our scale usually shows me fluctuating between one and seven pounds, but I weighed Monday and Tuesday, and the scale was showing roughly the same number. So yay for that!

Today was pizza. Only pizza. No wait, there were some saltine crackers in there way earlier, but for the most part, just black olive and pepperoni ( boooo, me) pizza. On the slate for tomorrow- grocery shopping, and my resolve to not only keep with it (well, start over and keep with it), but also to do better. My vegan kit from Peta came in Saturday, it’s basically a little booklet that gives celebrity accounts of why they’re vegetarians/vegans (Clint Eastwood, a vegan…who knew?), and details on meat industry brutality, and a few recipes. Reading about others’ experiences always seems to strengthen my resolve, so another goal I have is to read a little something about it everyday, as it may help. So here we go again! And hopefully a lot better this time.

The last two days have been a regular meat fest for me. Here goes:

Day 8

• Breakfast- don’t recall. I think it was probably soda
• Lunch- was actually dinner, because I get up really late. I was tempted to order an eggplant parm sub from Monjuni’s (in Ruston, La, and they have a few veggie-friendly dishes. I was just not in the mood for pasta.) Since I’m a weenie, I got the chicken parm sub. And breadsticks. And parmesan covered fries (those were sooo good.) I left the lettuce on my sandwich, something I never do, so woo for vegetables… I’m a riot.
• Dessert- Fried ice cream blast from Sonic. A regular sized one, so I don’t feel like a total pig. It was nice and cinnamon-y.

Day 9

• Brunch- Here’s where things went completely bust. I had a Sonic cheeseburger. For some reason, beef is a bigger no-no than chicken in my mind (like it’s not all dead animal?), so that has me feeling really guilty.
• Dinner- A number 6, Baja chicken from Taco Bell. I could have done so much better, but I figured I’d already slipped so far, that it didn’t matter. Yup, I am really terrible at this.

So, I have decided to finish my weekend of crap eating, and regroup, and do better. I’m even thinking of adding extra time to this, for the days I have screwed up. And, based on the advice of some of my fellow mark reps, I’m going to make my own eggplant parm. I can tell that meat makes me sluggish, even after not eating it for several days, then eating it again. I have to do better, and I will Time to make a grocery list!

I had hoped things would be going swell in this little venture by now- I’d be enjoying meatless breakfasts, lunch on brussels sprouts, snack on carrots…Not happening. Tonight, I really wanted a certain sandwich I mentioned previously. Not just one, but two. So, today’s food log:

• Breakfast- Cold pizza, meat picked off (1 piece), water
• Lunch- Diet Dr. Pepper. I had crazy heartburn, and didn’t want to eat, so I soda’d it up and took an antacid with a glass of water
• Dinner- Two Chicken With No Name sandwiches (with lettuce at least, I never do lettuce on a sandwich.) One could perhaps argue it was just one large sandwich, since they come on one folded pita round, but eh. It was two. And they were mind bogglingly delicious
• Dessert- Soy milk/ice cream shake. And now I feel so sick. It was good, and my first one this week (taking a break from soy every few days), so not having another until…who knows.

So, I am really struggling with my decision. It’s definitely easier for me to make meaty meals, or to just grab a burger or some chicken while out. I knew this would be difficult, but whoa, it’s starting to feel insurmountable. But progress, not perfection I suppose. I keep wondering if I’ll keep it up after August, or if I’ll even make it to the end. I do think that eating more fruits and vegetables (as previously mentioned) will be a good end product of this, and instead of beating myself up over supposed failure, I’ll just be glad that I tried my best and learned some new things. And I hope I do so much better tomorrow

Time has recently slapped me in the face and kicked me in the butt. There is a certain event going down in 2009 (one that I refuse to attend, but have used it as a point of reference nonetheless) that is fast approaching. For this event, I swore I would be in better shape. I’m not only in bad shape, but shameful shape. So, I figured this was the time to work on a goal I’ve had since I was 12. It is time to give up meat. For 30 days starting August 1, I will not consume any meat, and try to limit other animal products (what I’m calling full time vegetarian/part time vegan.) And here’s why:

• Animals. The meat industry is truly a cruel and disgusting one. That aside, I can no longer continue to eat animal flesh and consider myself a lover of animals. It feels hypocritical. Plus, I wouldn’t wear fur, and there are several types of meat I have long refused to consume, so why not treat chicken and beef like lamb and veal?
• I can grow some of my own. This year’s garden was a bust (thanks to some wacky weather and our eventual move), but next spring, we’ll be in a new place with more room for a garden. Plus, we’ll have more money to put into it, so it’ll be like 12 times more awesome than the one I had planned for this year. I’m really looking forward to being more responsible for my food! I also get giddy like that when I think about the end products of various knitting/crochet projects I have around here
• Learning a new way of cooking. That was one thing that appealed to me about the raw diet, until I realized- I don’t really like a lot of raw veggies. Already, I have visions of ice cream made with coconut milk, cakes made with tofu, and trying new fruits and vegetables. We almost got a starfruit tonight, but I wanna find out how to eat it first, or it would likely just perish in the crisper.
• And health. I’m predisposed to obesity. But wait! There’s more! My family’s gene pool also plays host to cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure. Plus, I have a spinal condition that is only exacerbated by extra weight. I’m sluggish, have blah skin, and milk is not my friend. If I can make my life better just by cutting out a few foods, then why not change?

I have decided to blog my progress, and if I feel better on August 31 than I do now, then I’ll keep on. Plus, I’m really looking forward to trying new recipes and posting them here, and reviewing new food items (already, I want to say- Soy Dream chocolate ice cream…omg. That stuff is good.) I’m looking forward to changing my body and my life, just by changing the way I eat. Stay tuned!

I’m going to step outside the normal topics of this blog and talk about something wildly controversial: weight. On one hand, there are overweight people- some who are “fat and fabulous,” others who hate being overweight but can’t seem to control that, and others who are overweight by government standards, but look ok to most- all of whom may have been subject to rude commentary b/c of their respective sizes. On the other, there are thin people who sometimes hear comments like “why don’t you have a couple of cheeseburgers and gain a few?” Weight discrimination (to either side) is nothing new.

Recently, on another blog I read sometimes, the questions “is society to tolerant of overweight people? and when is plus sized overweight?” have been raised. I have to mention, I am a fatty. I have been since I was about 5. I am currently at my heaviest (a number that is no one’s damn business ), and at my lightest, I was about 30 over. I’m also tall, so it used to be pretty well spread. As a child/teenager, I was very active- I played softball, basketball, swam every chance I got, and played sports with my siblings and cousins. I have never been a junk food freak (except for Easter, and that only comes once a year), and we didn’t always have a lot of it in the house (although my parents love ice cream and m&m’s). I went through a poorly executed vegetarian phase that involved a lot of baked tofu and ketchup sandwiches. And, from the age of 13, I have been bulimic. So weight is an issue I am all too familiar with. Most specifically, the “over” end.

I want to know why anyone would think that being heavy is now accepted. Not in my little corner of the world. It seems every time I go out, someone makes a rude remark about my weight. And this seems to be ok with people. Why? I want to know, who does weight affect? If I ever bumped my booty into the back of your head walking past you in a restaurant, I apologize (although, I have to say, I usually try to make the um, front side closer. Sucks to be tall, b/c if I walk past and you look up, you could get a snout full of in-pants vag. oops.) I have had super-skinny friends, and their weight never bugged me. Why is it anyone’s business? Are my bingo wings so offensive? Why? You might as well be offended by red hair, crooked teeth, or lopsided boobs. And if you are, man, you have issues. There are much more worthwhile things to be offended by than whether a person has thighs that rub together or a super bony clavicle.

Now, if I were ever by some miracle of engineering to become super-bony, I might relish being told to “eat a damn twinkie, already.” (not that I would, b/c I have never liked cream filled pastry. I may be fat, but I’m damn picky). And honestly, in my mind, even though it is not right, hearing someone being told to eat sometimes conveys concern for that person; you look a little thin, you should put a little meat on them bones, have a snack! Telling an overweight person to “back away from the drive thru” conveys disgust; you have rolls thanks to your BK habit, and your fat is repulsive, so stop eating, already! I do not think it is right either way, b/c weight is so personal, and not every fat/too thin person can help what they are. Why must they all be lumped together? Not every fat person has diabetes or high cholesterol. Not every thin person is perfectly healthy. There are so many variables to consider.

So, if society is indeed becoming more tolerant, it’s news to me. Perhaps I need to find this strange new Mecca and move. And even if I lose all my excess, I’d still choose to live in a place where people are only judged based on character. We, as denizens of this little blue-green marble should be building each other up and helping each other out, not judging b/c of some stupid beauty ideal. And recall, fleshy and fat used to be in. The only constant in this world is change- hot today, not tomorrow. Fat or thin, we are all worthy of at least basic respect. In the end, a person’s appearance matters so little (well, after everything starts to sag, I suppose, which is unfortunate), so why not make the good things a person does a thing to talk about, and leave their too round or too flat butt out of the discussion?