crimmles.com

The internet is a great facilitator to my obsessive whims. I’ll remember a doll from the 80’s that I really wanted but never had (say, Rose Petal Place), and off I go, looking for whatever I can find. Three hours later, I’ll have found pages dedicated to that entire doll series, and all things RPP that were unreleased, plus fan pages for Charmkins, Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony. Then off to ebay to window shop for all these things I never had. It sounds sad but it’s really not. And one day, I will have the money and shelf space for that Charmkins collection I’ve been planning since 1986.

Something I have been looking for since about 2002 is this set of Pyrex (I assume Pyrex) mixing bowls with a little fruit design on one side. My aunt Nini got them one Easter, and I thought they were the cutest bowls ever. Just clear glass bowls with simple, vibrant fruits done in near Marimekko style.
They reminded me of these shirts I wore when I was younger, they were white with allover prints of tiny hearts or stars in primary colors. I think they came from Tarjay. Anywhoo, no one in my family seems to recall these bowls. And I couldn’t tell you if my aunt still has them, because she moves a lot, and they could frankly be anywhere. And, as I was about 10 when she bought them, I wouldn’t have thought to ask the pattern name. I thought you just bought based on the picture on the box, names were not any part of that. Live and learn, I suppose.

So, I’m on a mission to find them. When I moved out for about the third time, I told my mom I wanted to do my kitchen in fruits. She bought me some apple dishes that while cute, were more down on the farm and less modern-cartoony than I liked. I spent a good chunk of the afternoon googling every word and word combo that I thought would give me the results I desire. No luck so far. But I did fall upon a site and Flickr group that I’m sure will give me hours of enjoyment- and lead me down the rabbit hole of collection. Crazy Daisy is a pattern that I grew up with. My mom still has a few pieces if I’m not mistaken. It’s fun to see all the patterns through the years and find some that I could see in my kitchen, sharing counter space with a certain set of fruity mixing bowls. If only I could find the darn things. So check out the site http://www.pyrexlove.com/ and peruse all bowls and casseroles that your grandma might have made tuna surprise in. And be thankful that tuna surprise wasn’t one of your mom’s favorites. Yecch.

Since I have too much free time, I’ve decided to delve into some of the more pervasive commercials of this time. Issue one- the Glade lady. She started out innocently enough- throwing a gathering for a few girlfriends, it’s during the holidays, she has a gorgeous house, the perfect LBD, it’s the picture of early 90’s Chris Columbus perfection. But there’s something missing…maybe the dog rolled in mess outside and tracked it in. Maybe hubby is slacking on garbage duty, and they had flounder for last night’s dinner. Or maybe she’s a real estate stager, and is all out of cookie spray. Whatever. Enter Glade candles. But what lurks beneath the slightly quirky surface of our domestic doyenne is far more sinister than a love of over the fence gossip.

She lights the candle. The doorbell rings. This candle isn’t Diptyque! Hell, it isn’t even one of those White Barn Candle Co. candles from B&BW. It’s Glade…from the cleaning supplies aisle in Wall Banger’s. Its closest neighbors are those 98 cent jelly cones and Toilet Duck. This will not do, even though the scent makes everyone want pie. So, off goes the label, into the trash (or so we thought.) Door is answered, greetings all around, “is that pie?” No! It’s a candle…from France. What’s fancier than candles from France? Nothing, and don’t you forget it. Oh you mean Glahday?? Hens cackle, candle is described, candle lady finally admits that yes, the candle is Glade, end scene.

So. What can we tell about our heroine from this ad? And from all subsequent ads? That she’s got caviar taste and a catfish budget? That perhaps there is little to suburban fulfillment beyond having all the right things? Yeah, that’s what Glade wants you to think. What I think is that she’s got sociopathic tendencies and is a compulsive habitual liar. Why else would she lie about being at the spa while soaking in her own tub? Or lie about cleaning all day after a few spritzes of a new Febreze-like product? Because deep down, she is the new girl in 7^th grade, with a bad perm and buck teeth, and all the wrong clothes. And the only thing in this world that will keep the queen bees of this world off the gawky outsiders is flashing the “right” item before they hit. Thank you, Glade. Ok, so it’s not as serious as all that. Sometimes, a candle is just a candle. Unless it’s from France Please join me next week, when we discuss the deeper meaning of improv in a drive-in.